How To Shut The World Up
by Blank Paiges
Summary: The nations are arguing again, and America has no idea how to shut them up. Luckily, England has a plan. Crack! Pure crack! US/UK


**I just got this idea when I was thinking about babies...and Britannia Angel...and Alfred...and...well, whatever, just read. No flames; review kindly please! Third fic!**

**Summary: The nations are all arguing again, and no America doesn't know how to shut them up. Luckily, England has a plan. US/UK **

**Disclaimer: I~do~not~own~Heta~li~a!**

_**How To Shut The World Up...Literally**_

_This is insane, _Alfred F. Jones thought inwardly. As usual, the meeting wasn't going well. It was going...well, worse than usual. So bad that even the American didn't have the energy to argue with the other nations anymore. And that was something new. He took a bite out of his hamburger, then sipped his milkshake, sighing thoughtfully. He leaned back in his chair and observed what was going on.

Everyone was arguing about something that was seriously irrelevant to the topic.

France and Germany seemed to be arguing about why the world was round and not flat, Northern Italy was being hit by random people, Japan was trying to explain tsunderes to Greece, Russia was trying to rape China, Canada was being invisible, Hungary was texting, Austria and Prussia seemed to be in a heated debate over why the grass was green and not purple, and Switzerland was just shooting people that were too ignorant to notice that he was aiming a gun at them.

Once again, total madness.

And Alfred wasn't involved in it, or even _attempting _to get involved in it, because even _he _had grown tired of the arguments.

The American pushed texas further up his nose and sighed for the umpteenth time that day.

"Hey, _guys_!" America shouted. No reaction whatsoever.

"_Please _shut up! Even I'm getting sick of all this fighting!" He said, a little louder this time. A few heads turned, but quickly went back to whatever they were arguing about.

Alfred groaned. "I can say whatever I want right now," he stated flatly to himself.

"I'm going to get a tattoo!" he shouted. No reaction.

"On my face!" Nothing.

"In my eye?" Alfred didn't even know if that was possible. Anyway, no one showed any sign of concern.

"I'll launch a nuke at the Eiffel Tower!" America declared, glancing at France desperately, hoping he would say something, but to no avail.

"Oh, come on! Isn't there _anything _that's going to shut you people up?" The hamburger-lover moaned. He jolted as he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Actually," a familiar British-accented voice said matter-of-factly, "there is." Alfred looked up at his boyfriend, Arthur Kirkland, the personified UK, and couldn't help but cock an eyebrow.

"Really?" America asked. He'd do anything to get this meeting going. And that was new for him.

Arthur nodded.

Alfred then frowned. "It'll never work, Iggy. I've tried everything. The world could explode and these people would just keep going." Arthur placed a soft kiss on Alfred's forehead, then pulled away, saying, "Want to bet?"

Alfred nodded. "If you're right, and whatever you have in mind shuts them up, you get to top tonight. If I'm right, you don't." Alfred swore he saw a passionate spark in Arthur's eyes.

"Really, git?"

"Really, really." Alfred nodded. The Brit placed a hand on his chin. A scary, purposeful glint was in his eyes, and an odd smile graced his features.

"Then I most definitely won't lose," Arthur stated. Then, the Englishman cleared his throat, straightened his tie, and announced loudly:

"_Everyone, I have an announcement to make!_" Arthur yelled. The nations paid him no mind. Alfred smirked. Then, Arthur shouted:

_**"I. AM. PREGNANT!"**_

Everything stopped. They couldn't feel it, but the earth stopped turning too. All eyes turned to look at Arthur, then back to the gawking Alfred, then back to Arthur.

Alfred counted exactly five seconds of silence in the Meeting Room (which is, undoubtedly, a world record) before everyone began yelling again.

"Like, you're pregnant?"

"_Mon ami, _how did this happen! Alfred, how?"

"Wait, wait! How can this be? I demand an explanation, America!"

"Doitsu~, will you have babies with me?"

"Um, c-congratulations...Ar-Arthur..Alfred...I thi-think..."

"Who?"

"CANADA, GODDAMMIT!"

"Oh, my God! We're going to be having a mini-Arthur or a mini-Alfred walking around the room!"

"If it's a boy we name it Richard! If it's a girl we name it Alice!"

"Um, why Richard?"

"It's a pretty name!"

"Congratulations, Arthur-san! How long?"

Arthur cleared his throat again and said, "I'm not pregnant. I just needed you all to shut the bloody hell up. Now, I am turning over the meeting to Alfred, who will now give you his latest idea on how to stop global warming." Arthur went back to his seat and grinned smugly at Alfred. The rest of the nations, disappointed and shot down, went back to their seats and opened their meeting binders.

America's left eye twitched. Then he stood and began explaining his latest plan. But the whole time, he was focused on Arthur. It was a brilliant idea, he had to admit. It really shouldn't be bothering him so much. Alfred glanced over at the Brit, who currently looked like he was having a hard time breathing, and was eating scones during the middle of the meeting, which was new. _I mean, men can't get pregnant, right...?_

_R-right...?_

**Aaaah, it's done! Another thing that popped into my head while I was being weird.**

**England: WHAT'S WITH THE ENDING! DON'T TELL ME I'M ACTUALLY PREGNANT!**

**America: SEQUEL! SEQUEL! SEQUEL!**

**Me: I've never written an mpreg though! And this is just my third fic!**

**America: Sequel!**

**Me: *sigh* Read and review! Please review nicely, and it would be much appreciated if you didn't flame. Thanks for reading!**

**LoveHateLove,**

**Blank Paiges ^^**


End file.
